We don’t need no Spam

Dear Spam Sender,

Thank you for taking such an interest in me. I regret to inform you the following:

1. My penis is just fine, but thank you for asking.
2. I don’t own a home, so why the fuck would I need to re-finance my mortgage.
3. I don’t require any medication and even if I did I wouldn’t buy it from someone who can’t spell the name of it.
4. I deeply regret your situation in Nigeria (or whatever 3rd world country you and “your millions of dollars you need to transfer” live in) but you’re barking up the wrong tree.
5. I already have a degree (again, last time I checked you didn’t spell diploma with a 1 in the middle).
6. Posing to be the institution I do my banking with, wow, that’s fucking admirable. No, you can’t have my account information.
7. Re: I don’t remembering sending you e-mail in the first place.
8. “Your PC is infected”. No it isn’t, I have a Mac which doesn’t open your fucked up .exe files, you stupid.
9. Thanks for the stock tip, unfortunately I didn’t see a listing on NASDAQ for: bL06Wjob GraNNy99.
10. Chicks banging horses is soooo 1999.

Bye for now,
Brajeshwar